Honesty hour: I got fired this summer.
It was a complete shock - A gut punch. I was flooded with feelings of hurt, embarrassment, utter sadness and a whole lot of confusion. Why did this happen? Why did they think it was okay to treat a team member like this? And most commonly, what the hell am I going to do now?
Simultaneously, two of my closest friends were about to leave their grueling jobs too. Although our situations were different from one another - the circumstances were very similar. We are all individuals who have been working a job, if not multiple jobs, since we were 16 years old. Retail, daycares, human resources, restaurants, babysitting - you name it, we've done it. We all put the pedal to the metal when it came to our education as well. Particularly in college, the three of us were obviously enrolled in classes while also being incredibly involved in extra curricular activities, taking time to volunteer, working extra hours when we could, visiting home from time to time all while somehow managing to keep good grades and create new friendships. Now I'm not saying this for pity because we obviously chose to do all of this. And in the grand scheme of things, our overly-busy schedules made daily routines more interesting, our friendships richer, our resumes more robust and our life better overall.
This context just proves that we've been living such chaotic lives for so long that we thought it was normal. So normal that we let it seep into our work lives. It was normal for manager's to request things from us outside of business hours. Normal to not receive expectations for a project or feedback about said projects at all. It was normal for our peers and clients to scream at us. It was normal to cry at our desk, feel anxious before every meeting, dread going to sleep at night because it meant getting back to work in the morning... Completely normal.
All of us feel an immense sense of pride in our work and feel that it is a large chunk of our identity. So when things are disorganized, unhealthy or completely unstructured, it is obviously going to be reflected in our mind and our mood. So the fact that we all felt compassion fatigue, overwhelming anxiety and extreme burnout shouldn't be surprising.
So now that we're out, we're doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, besides me. I'm walking a few dogs a day which, to me, feels like nothing. Instead, we are doing yoga, baking fall recipes, rotting away on the couch and enjoying being still. But as we sit in our nothing-ness, we are all faced with those same few questions: Why did this happen? Why did they think it was okay to treat a team member like this? And most commonly, what the hell am I going to do now?
Well, I can't speak for them so here's what I'm up to!
I got fired just 2 days after my 30th birthday. If that doesn't seem like a bad omen, I don't know what does. But I'm choosing not to see it that way. Because right before I got fired, I found out that our family was growing with the arrival of my first niece or nephew. This incredibly exciting news was delivered to me while my closest friends and family were all traveling to town to celebrate the new decade with me. And just a few days after being fired, I was on my way to Napa to celebrate the union of my partner's cousin, who he considers a best friend. This couple and their entire family were so kind to me after hearing what happened just a few days prior. But honestly, once I got there, I temporarily forgot that it even happened. Easy to do when you're in wine country surrounded by wonderful people and celebrating the most loving couple on the planet.
When we got back to Chicago, I realized that I need to take this time to really figure out what I am valiantly striving for in my professional life as well as my personal life. With a new decade comes new perspective. My career doesn't need to define me. Hell, I can dip my toe into new careers if I want to! I've been casting a wide net when it comes to job applications and although I don't fully know what I want to do, I have figured out what I don't want to do thanks to this experience and interviewing at some not-so-great places. So now I'm being more selective with who gets access to my resume and I'm also pursuing new ventures! I have enrolled in a Yoga Work Study at a small studio in my neighborhood. I genuinely enjoy learning the artistry, culture and history of the practice and I find that participating in yoga puts me in a much better state of mind. Additionally, I've been celebrating some monumental milestones for my family and close friends. It's truly an exceptionally exciting time for us and I am thrilled to be fully present while celebrating them.
But don't get me wrong, this extended break is weird at times. As a reminder, I've typically worked 2 jobs at a time for the last 14 years. Freelance projects, part-time, opportunities, volunteer work all on top of a full time role? Totally normal for over a decade! And now, I have (close to) nothing going on. Which allows me to have free-thinking moments about what my next move will be.
Today, I feel hopeful. Tomorrow, the nothing-ness may feel overwhelming - who knows! But with the support of my close circle, including my fellow unemployed best friends, I know that the next step will be a great one.
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